Those Darn 3s (by eddie)

It was 3 years, 3 months, 3 days, and roughly 3 hours before that Sarah and I left this place (Peoria) with our lil princess hoping never to return. But here we are again and as I walked down the halls to find my wife (who came by ambulance) at OSF I couldn't help but get those gut wrenching feelings of nostalgia. My daughter, my little precious Addy who was born at 3 pounds and 13 ounces once lived here for 3 weeks and 3 days. This was all because she was born early after only having spent 30 weeks and 3 days in the belly. In reflection it seems that the time must have flown by. But when we were here it lasted an eternity. And now as I walk through the place I find myself instinctively knowing where the next restroom or elevator is. In fact, if it weren't for some of the remodeling that has occurred here I would think we never left.
Part of me is proud as I remembered the job the staff did here with Addy. They, along with the staff at Trinity, saved her life numerous times until she was strong enough to go home.
Another part of me is angry. My family feels separated now and my home is abandoned. We are missing our Addy more than she could ever know. Right now she is staying with Sarah's parents (angels by the way) and the 3 of them are safe back there off 13th street while the 3 of us are here - a full 3 hour round trip away.
Things have been a little scary for us right off the bat as the local doctor informed us that Sarah was dilated at nearly a 3 and having contractions 3 minutes apart. This of course gave me 3 more gray hairs in my 3 month old goatee. It has also prompted the staff here to be very watchful of Sarah, checking on her 3 times in the last 30 minutes. They have also upped her dosage of Magnesium to 3 (grams I think) for the next 3 hours. There are also 3 doctors here monitoring the situation.
I am going to have to stop now before I drive myself and you crazy with numbers. I'm sorry - it is the language that I speak. And of course I was the 3rd born in my sprawling family so 3s just seem to pop out at me....everywhere.
With that I will say good night with a bit of anxiety about what tomorrow, day 3, will bring. I thank you all for your thoughtful messages, prayers, help, and love. Just knowing that we are in your thoughts is a bit humbling. We love you all.
Lastly,  I am happy to report that for now, at this moment, my Sarah is sound asleep. It has been a long time since I have seen her look so peaceful. I promise, I will not ask her for a 3rd....

Peoria

Eddie here. Just as it seemed that things were starting to normalize a little bit for us we were given the news that we were hoping to avoid: Sarah is going to Peoria. I'm still in a little bit of denial about the whole thing. I was just getting used to the idea of Sarah being here and trying to figure out how we were going to manage our lives between my job, Addy and daycare, and of course spending as much time with Sarah. Now this changes things. Instead of being less than 10 minutes from home she will now be an hour and a half. The biggest concern for me is how I get Sarah as much quality time with Addy as possible. We have been trying so hard to expand our family and now it seems like we are being split up in three directions with Sarah going to Peoria, Adalynn going to Nana and Papa's, and me going back and forth between the two.
That's all I got for now as we were just told that we had about 20 minutes to get ready to go....

Mac Attack- Part 2

This is Sarah, and I figured I would just add my thoughts as well.  Let me tell you that keeping Mac in the sack has been a brutal process.  This magnesium that the have me on (to stop the contractions) has given me the worst night of my life.  More than once I burst into tears and begged Eddie to get me out of here.  The med makes you nauseaus, gives you a migrain, blurs your vision, and makes your whole body limp and "asleep".  On top of that, I have the discomfot of a catheter and the pain of the IV and meds shooting up my arm and being interrupted every 1/2 hour to check my reflexes, temp, and blood pressure since the med is toxic.  I got very little sleep last night, and none of it was quality sleep.  I'm a complete wreck right now - emotional anyway just because I'm preggers, uncomfortable, and now completely exhausted on top of it all.  I almost think it was easier having a baby at home. 

I know I had originally wanted to have visitors, but unfortunately this hasn't been the hospital stay that I thought it would be.  I figured I would just be laying around in bed, but instead I'm downright miserable.  I'm in no shape for company, and I really hope you understad.  If I get off this med and am able to get cleaned up and feel more human again someday, then I'll let you know I'm ready to be seen.

We're still waiting on the doctor to come check in today.  Hopefully I haven't dilated any more and I'm still just at a 1.  She's already talked to the NICU doc who says he'd rather our baby be born in either IA City or Peoria before 32 weeks so there's still a possibility I'll get moved to one of those hospitals if I show any signs of laboring further.  Obviously I don't want to be away from Eddie and Adalynn like that, but I need to be sure Mac gets the best care possible, especially with him being a boy and the difficulties premature boys face.  It's frustrating because I really like my doctor and I don't want anyone other than her delivering our son.  I guess what I want doesn't matter though.

I keep battling the "stupid me" blues.  I'm stupid because I should have known this was going to happen based on our history, yet we tried for a second baby anyway.  I guess I just assumed it would be better this time around because the medical professionals all seemed to think it would be - that what happened with Adalynn was a fluke occurrence and I'd be monitored more closely this time so things should go much smoothly.  Yet this has been a worse pregnancy than the first and if anything, the stress of the premature labor is that much harder this time around because we also have our little girl at home to worry about.  It's not like we can concentrate solely on Mac like we did with Adalynn.  Thankfully, Addy loves her grandparents and they have been superstars helping us out with her and taking good care of her.  A big shout-out here to Nana and Papa!  I also want to send kudos and appreciation to my husband.  Eddie has been awesome getting so much down around the house so there is less for me to worry about while I'm stuck in the hospital.  I really appreciate everyone's support, but most of all we need those prayers.  Please keep praying that our little guy stays put and selfishly pray that we can stay here in town.  Thank you, all, and Happy 2012.

Mac Attack!!!

This is Eddie, Sarah's husband and father of Lil Mac. I just wanted to write a brief update on what is going on today. We went to Sarah's appointment this morning bright and early at 7:30 to have an ultrasound and cervical length check. The tech, Pat, immediately noticed that the length of the cervix has significantly decreased. Just one week ago it was 3.9 centimeters and dropped to 1.7 centimeters with funneling when pressure was applied. This led to the doctor ordering moderate bed rest at home for Sarah. This morning the length was 1.6 centimeters with obvious funneling without any pressure applied at all. In fact Pat was actually afraid to apply pressure because she was worried that "he might fall out". Well she did, with a bit of caution, apply just a little pressure and the measurement dropped down to 1.3.
Of course we were in a bit of shock. Sarah has been trying so hard to take it easy this last week. There has been some Christmas activities but for the most part she has tried to keep her activity to a minimum (especially by her standards). So we were hoping for a good report and were a little shocked to see the shortened cervix extending out of tornado like opening of the uteris. For once something was actually clear to me as I viewed it on the ultrasound screen. Unfortunately it wasn't something cool, like a big facial profile or gender verification (still taking their word on that one). Instead it was the one thing we didn't want to see. The thing that is sure to totally disrupt our lives and dictate weeks, if not months in the hospital.
So we finished with the ultrasound and waited patiently for an hour for the doctor to show up at 9am. During this time we both talked over the possibilities of what was coming next as the shock started to wear away and reality started to set in. Our biggest fear was that Sarah would be sent to Iowa City. Just the thought of this was enough to bring tears to her eyes. She does not want to be away, especially from Adalynn, for any length of time let alone potentially weeks.
Eventually the doc walked in with that look on her face. She didn't waste any time in breaking the news that she was admitting Sarah into the hospital to monitor her and try to see what was going on. When we asked her if Sarah could stay locally she paused before saying that she would be on the phone with Iowa City and it was up to them. They do not want Sarah to go into labor here locally until she is at least 32 weeks along. So, if it is determined that Mac is on the attack then Sarah will be going to Iowa City.
We are currently sitting in a labor and delivery room with Sarah hooked up to devices that read the baby's heartrate as well as monitor possible contractions. Unfortunately there have been a few minor contractions that Sarah hasn't even felt. Kind of scary because we wouldn't even know about them if not for the monitor. Sarah is also hooked up to an IV and is receiving a dose of magnesium to help calm her uteris. Of course, this medicine is potentially toxic and has its own side effects that Sarah is dealing with. All in all it is safe to say that it has been one rough day for Sarah. Not to mention the fact that neither of us have seen Addy for over 22 hours. It is amazing how quickly we can start to miss that little girl.
It is also rumored that the doctor will be here "before 1pm" to update us on our status. Of course it is actually 2:30 and no sign of the doc. Just love hospitals!
There's the update. Now we wait for others to decide our fate. Oh dear, I'm rhyming again....

Tis the Season to be Holly, Jolly, and Bedridden

My doctor decided to give me a Christmas gift today – it wasn’t a fancy package by any means, and it was dropped in my lap with a thud.  She gave me bed-rest, and she didn’t even try to pretty up the news with any sort of festive embellishment.  I’d rather have been given coal in my stocking, thankyouverymuch.  So what happened?  I’ll tell you……

I had my ultrasound this morning, which admittedly I was nervous about after the last ultrasound two weeks ago and the fact that I’ve been extremely uncomfortable and haven’t gotten much sleep the last two nights.  But much to my surprise my cervical length actually increased again – above 3.5.  Just as I had gotten my hopes up and breathed a huge side of relief and was ready to pat my back over being such a good girl and taking it easy, I saw Pat’s face fall (she’s my ultrasound tech).  She’s such an optimistic lady and is always looking at the bright side of everything so I’ve never seen that look on her face.  When pressure was applied to my abdomen, the cervical length dropped down to 1.7 (HUGE decrease – remember two weeks ago it dropped from 2.9 to 2.6 with pressure) and this time there was …. dum dum dum….. funneling.  (Cue the horrific screams).  What is funneling?  In really generic terms, it’s basically when the cervix takes the shape of a tornado (funnel cloud).  This is a sign of premature labor, and doctors get much more alarmed about funneling than they do cervical length.   Had my cervical length decreased when pressure was applied and there was still no funneling, I’m guessing I wouldn’t be on bed-rest right now. 

My doctor was all business today.  I had a whole slew of questions I was going to ask her about a variety of things, but I didn’t even get to the list.  Dr. said I was to go Labor & Delivery to be monitored for contractions and to get a steroid shot.  When she said I was to be on bed-rest effective immediately, I asked if it was possible to work shorter work days or to work from home, and she said I wasn’t too work at all.  I could get up to go to the bathroom, take a shower, sit at the dinner table for meals, and am allowed “minor Christmas activity”.  That’s it.  Geesh, if that’s limited bed-rest what is the full-fledged bed-rest – sponge baths and a bed pan?  EEEEEK! 

So I went to Labor & Delivery (got choked up walking past Adalynn’s old hospital room in the NICU) and got hooked up to the monitor for an hour.  Thankfully, I wasn’t having any contractions so I wasn’t expected to stay at the hospital.  Whew.  They gave me a steroid shot in the rear, and I go back tomorrow for another.  That’s not a pleasant experience, but it’s to help Lil Mac’s lungs develop and function sooner should he come along in the near future.  (In general, boys don’t always fare as well as girls when born prematurely and take a bit longer to “learn” how to breathe on their own).  The good news is that when Pat took a look at him on the ultrasound, she noticed that his chest was rising and falling, which is a sign of lung development so he was making progress in the right direction even before the shot.  He’s also head-down and doesn’t have the umbilical cord wrapped around his neck or anything else out of the ordinary; so if he does decide to take a nosedive like big sis, he’s in good position.  He’s at a good weight (2 pounds 13 ounces) which puts him in the 58^th percentile so they view that as a positive note too.  And aside from all that, Pat also pointed out that he has a head of hair, which explains the terrible heartburn.   Anyway, I go back on Tuesday for a stress test and then again next Friday bright and early in the morning for yet another ultrasound.  (Apparently I’m still allowed to leave the house as long as I am at the hospital).

I know it’s that time of year to spread good cheer, but right now I am in the bah-humbug-corner with Scrooge McDuck.  (Thanks to my darling daughter, I know the Mickey Christmas Carol characters way too well).  Starting tonight, I won’t even get to sleep in my own bed.   Our bedroom is downstairs, and I shouldn’t be taking the stairs too much so the more I limit the trips up and down to our room, the better.  Admittedly, this may be a good thing because I haven’t been able to get comfortable anyway, and I’m sure I’m driving poor Eddie crazy.  We’re also tossing around the idea of getting a laptop because, again, our computer is downstairs so that limits my internet activity.  Let’s face it;  I can only watch so much TV or read so many books before I  will have to journal from time to time and read pointless Yahoo stories.   I’m hoping we can work out some way of me being able to do some computer work from home because I know I will be stir crazy, and I feel incredibly guilty for not having anything prepared and ready to go for my coworkers should this have happened.  As long as my feet are elevated while I’m on the computer and at home, I’m not breaking any rules so I’m keeping my fingers crossed we can work something out.  I also feel bad because my husband is now currently out doing all my errands that I can no longer do.  I feel as if I’m indebted to everyone for picking up all my slack until this is over.

But the fact of the matter is, in order to take care of Lil Mac and be a good mom to the little guy I must do what the doctor says.  Every day that goes by while he’s still in the womb, he has more chance of having good eyesight, being able to breathe, and avoiding the heart surgery that Adalynn had.  So while I’m grumpy at the moment, I am well aware that I’m doing the right thing as I sit around and twiddle my thumbs. 

Here’s hoping you all have a Merry Christmas!  While it’s a hectic time of year, be appreciative of the fact that you can get around to accomplish what you need to.  Have a wonderful time with your family and friends, and remember the true reason for the season.  (I’ll take my own advice and dwell on that last part, and I’m sure my spirits will pick up soon).  HAPPY HOLIDAYS!

Awwwww.....I think he looks like Eddie's side of the fam in this photo

Apparently it takes a mother's love to view this photo correctly.  While I think he looks like my side of the family here, others think he looks like a cat or a bunny.  Sigh.  Try to focus on those adorable chubby cheeks, people!

The Panic is Setting In

The good news – we’ve made it to week 26!  This is another monumental week – babies born this early have a 75% survival rate!  We’re feeling more comfortable in the event Lil Mac decides to be an early bird, but of course we’d still prefer to get further along than we did with Adalynn.  I had miscalculated previously when I thought my 30-week mark would be right at Christmastime.  Actually, 30 weeks won’t be here until January 3^rd.  So this means instead of having a goal to make it through Christmas, my goal is now to make it through New Year’s.  At least that gives me time to get the Christmas décor put away before he arrives.  ;)  Seriously, though, I’d love to have the month of January to focus on the nursery so let’s hope he’s content to stay put for a while.

The bad news – the further along we get, the more the panic starts to set in.  The realization hits that we could be getting close; and as much as we joke around about how I need to start carrying a phone with me every time I use a restroom, the fact is we may have another premature baby and he may not get as lucky as his big sister.  What if he decides to arrive while I’m at work, in the store, or in the car?  What if I’m alone when this happens?  What if he’s breach or has the umbilical cord wrapped around his neck and we’re not in a hospital?  I know it’s not good to freak myself out and worry over things that most likely will not happen.  But the paranoia started to creep in at my check-up today.  My cervical length has decreased.  It technically isn’t something to be concerned about just yet simply because I’m still within the “good” range for length.  However, in five weeks time I’ve gone from measuring at 3.9 to 2.9 – that’s a big drop.  The other item of concern is that up until today’s appointment, my cervical length hasn’t changed when they’ve applied pressure to my abdomen.  Today, however, it decreased even further to 2.6.  I’m so used to being well above 3 and everything looking just normal that the decrease completely took me by surprise.  So what is considered a “good” range for cervical length?  It depends on who you talk to.  In our area, doctors always want to see it above 2.5.  In areas like Iowa City where they specialize in this kind of thing, they’re much more lenient and are okay with measurement of 1.5 or above.  So keeping this in mind, I’m still perfectly fine and nowhere near going into premature labor (especially since there is also still no sign of funneling).  However, my doctor wants to see me in two weeks, and she started tossing around that nasty horrible “bed-rest” term if I drop below 2.5.  I’ve been an emotional wreck ever since the appointment.  I feel so much pressure now to get as much as I can possibly accomplish in two weeks done in the event that I’m stuck on bed-rest soon.  And the thought of that overwhelms me and sends me into panic mode again.  My problem is that I hate the unknown – and basically everything is unknown for me in as little as two weeks.  I have no idea how long I’ll be able to continue work, how soon our little man will arrive, whether or not I will even be able to return to work, and how I can possibly get everything “ready” before he’s born when there is no predicting when that will be.  Toss in the usual holiday stress that everyone experiences and the crazy pregnancy hormones and let me tell you – I’m a mess! 

So basically at this point I just need some prayers for my sanity.  Deep down I know I’m making matters worse and stressing over too many things.  But I can’t seem to relax anyway.  I’m so used to my doctor appointments providing me with peace of mind, and today was the exact opposite.  Oh, and while you’re praying for my sanity also pray that my hunger pains go away.  The other bad (and shocking) news was that I have gained 7 pounds in the last three weeks.  THREE WEEKS.  Keep in mind that I have only gained 10 pounds total in the previous 23 weeks.  Craziness!!!!!  And like my doctor said, it’s not like I can exercise or anything to help combat the weight gain – after all, anything physical was forbidden a long time ago back when I was classified as “high risk”.  Grrrr.

Anyway, enough freaking out.  Let’s focus on our cute little boy, shall we?  Heart rate is a good strong 160, and his mouth was active today – he gave us a HUGE yawn, and he looked like he was talking up a storm in there.       

His mouth is open - looked like he was chatting

Close-Up

Now to lighten the mood - this totally made me laugh so I figured I would share.  Our annual holiday family photo shoot was a disaster this year (don't expect a nice picture in your Christmas card!)  This picture in particular cracks me up.  Apparently our firstborn turned gangsta on us at some point......

Wazzup?!  Holiday cheer in da house, yo!