Livin' Nomad Style

I have no place to call home.  Every time I get settled in somewhere, I have to pack up and move on to the next location.  I am back now in my old room in the Mother/Baby unit, but I am not unpacking this time around because I have a feeling I could be back in Labor & Delivery at any minute.  They have proved that any time there is a scare, they have no problems up and moving me to L&D for fear of another blink-of-an-eye delivery.  I suppose I understand the concern after what happened with Adalynn, but this certainly isn't convenient for me at all.  I know this sounds terrible, but I am more than ready for this pregnancy to be over with so I can go home and stay put.  I have put my daughter and my husband on the back-burner for too long, and it's really taking a toll on them and on me.  Every person who sees Eddie comments on how tired he looks.  Of course he's tired - he's been a single dad for a month now.  And while Adalynn has improved since I've been back in the QC, things just aren't the same.  She is back to crying when being dropped off at daycare and she keeps telling her little bro that she wants to meet him soon - probably because she knows that the sooner he is here, the sooner I am coming home.  The poor girl is already going to have to share all her time and attention with a new baby soon enough, but she's been robbed of the last month or more of mommy time prior to his birth as well.  I feel incredibly guilty depriving her like that, and on the same token I feel guilty for wishing Lil Mac would just come out already because it's still a bit early yet and for his sake, I need to try to hold him in a bit longer.  I'm a bad mom to one of them, no matter how you look at it. 

This morning's monitor session was fine contraction-wise, but our little man is not showing the activity they would prefer to see.  This has caused some concern so I got put back on the monitor again.  Apparently they need to see accelerations in his heart rate of 15 from the baseline every so often in order for the strip to be considered okay.  Thankfully, he had the required 3 minimum accelerations on the test strip this morning in order for me to avoid L&D for now.  We'll wait and see what this afternoon's monitor session brings.  I have to admit, he's been pretty mellow today and I haven't felt him move as much as normal, other than the hiccups he seems to get more often these days.  So I do have a concern that I'll once again be packed up from my more comfortable surroundings and thrown into the chaotic L&D wing.  Just call me Mama Nomad.

JINX!

By Eddie
My silly wife. Complaining about boredom. The girls in this family should know never to do that. Lil Mac had to know that Momma was getting too comfortable with her mundane life. So at about 2100 hours last night (central time) he thought he would aggravate things a little. During the nightly monitoring gig the line that is supposed to be straight (the one that checks for contractions) was anything but. Instead of resembling a nice horizon over a calm sea it looked more like turbulant waves preceeding a hurricane. The other line, the one that watches his heart rate, was ironically steady. That is the line that they expect to see more activity on. Did I forget to mention that Sarah was actually feeling these contractions? Or that she started to experience pelvic pain that hadn't been there before? Well these factors combined with a worried nurse and before you know it Sarah was out of her "comfy" surroundings and back in Labor and Delivery. Of course I was already home and Addy was in bed by this time so Sarah was alone through all of this. I was awaiting the periodic text to update me and let me know if this was the real deal. They hooked her up to an IV and checked her dialation "a good 2" and efacing "50%" and a couple other things that I am clueless on.
Eventually, I got the word from Sarah that she was stable and so I waited until the morning to come see her. When I got here it didn't take long to notice the effects of last night's events. Instead of the inviting "visitors welcome" sign on her door there is a sign out front that might as well say "trespassers beware!". Sarah has barely slept, can't go to the bathroom without a nurses help, is uncomfortable, and has actually stooped so low as to ask me to help her with her hair.
The good news is that she is doing ok and may be able to go back to her old room later today but the damage is done. The reality has set back in that nothing can be taken for granted and anything can happen any day now. Lil Mac has made it abundantly clear that no amount of bedrest, nurses, meds, monitoring, or anything else will change the fact that he is the one in control here. My boy. Watch out girls, the balance of power in the Thomas house has shifted.

No News

Don't worry - there is no baby yet.  It seems that is always the first conclusion people come to when I haven't updated the blog (Did she have her baby??)  Surprisingly enough, I've just been busy.  I know it's hard to believe and everyone assumes I sit around and do absolutely nothing all day long, but I really do have activities that keep me occupied.  And now that I'm back in the QC, I have a lot more visitors than I did in Peoria so I really don't have the same amount of time on my hands as I did prior to coming home.  Besides, if there is nothing to report then I just don't feel the need to put boring mundane info out on the blog.  Who wants to read that?  Yawn.
So rest assured, our little buddy is still happily bouncing around in my tummy as if he's in his own personal Monkey Joe's gym.  Every monitor session has gone well for the last week - either no contractions or only one or two, most of which I still don't feel.  I'm gaining weight again, much to my dismay and leads me to my latest issue - I no longer have any underwear that fit.  Fabulous.  I feel bloated and huge; and it requires way too much effort for me to get my big booty out of this bed every 30-45 minutes for a bathroom break.  Tis the life of a woman in her third trimester of pregnancy.  I'm just now getting to truly experience it is all!
Now see?  Did you really want to know all of that?  Probably not.  :)

Have Wheelchair, Will Travel

Exactly one month ago today I was put on bed-rest.  I can't believe I've been (mostly) in limbo for that long.  I say "mostly" because let's face it.... that first week of bed-rest at home wasn't spent resting as much I should have.  But I've been a stellar patient for the last three weeks and three days so I am now allowed three wheelchair rides per week.  (Eddie would just love all these threes!)  I'm such a lucky gal!

You know the old adage: "If you don't have anything good to say, don't say it at all".  That's why I haven't posted for a while; I've been downright cranky for the last couple of days and didn't want this to turn into a Debbie Downer blog so I figured I would hold off until I had something good to report.  Well, things are turning around.  I have a "mama bear" nurse who bent over backwards for me and stole one of the air mattresses from Labor & Delivery so I could have a more comfortable bed.  She also gave me more pillows to try to help make me more snug.  And I had a productive conversation with my doctor today (aside from the wheelchair blessing).  She didn't realize that I had some pesky night nurses who were waking me up multiple times in the middle of the night for vitals.  She's going to put a stop to that so I only get woken up at 12 and at 6 when I need my medicine.  Also, while I'm up at 6 they will start the morning monitor session then instead of waking me up again at 7 for that.  I think this is good news because this means the session will be done by the time breakfast arrives, and I can now finally have a hot breakfast for the first time since I've been back from Peoria.  Ah, a more comfortable bed, uninterrupted sleep, and a decent breakfast - all things that will definitely make me less grumpy and make me quit wishing I was back in Peoria.

The most surprising news came when I asked my doctor what the game plan was; I was curious as to how long I will be on the meds to stop the contractions.  I was shocked when she said that meds are stopped at the 34 week mark.  Wow.  I would have thought for sure they would be used until 36 or 37 weeks.  So that means come next Tuesday, I will be off all medication and our little man will be allowed to come whenever he wants.  (Side note here for my sister-in-law: Kristy, you're due first so you need to have that little boy of yours soon because I may not meet my 35 week goal after all.  Start eating spicy food or eggplant parmesan, going on drives down bumpy roads with that crazy driver hubby of yours, and jog every day, girly!)

Settled In & Hibernating

Hello from snowy Moline!  I'm looking out the window and realizing that I made it back to the QC just in time before the storm hit.  The drive home started off fine, but of course being pregnant I had to stop for a potty break.  The walk from the car to the rest stop seemed to take forever.  Eddie pointed out that was the most I've walked this year.  Funny guy.  Once I was back in the car, I was extremely uncomfortable and struggled for the remainder of the trip.  I was never so thankful to lay down in a hospital bed. 

After we got to Trinity, I was temporarily put in Labor & Delivery.  They wanted me on the monitor for 24 straight hours.  Ugh.  Unfortunately, they put me back in the same room I was in when I was first admitted in the hospital a few weeks back and had that horrible night of mag.  I don't have fond feelings towards that room at all.  It smells atrocious in there and it's located right outside the nurse's hub and directly down the hall from the main entrance so there was no privacy and extremely noisy.  The first night back I was contracting like crazy so the nurse came in and gave me a shot in the arm.  That's the first I've had medication via shot throughout this whole ordeal.  It must have worked though because I've been pretty stable since then.  So after 24 hours being tied up to the monitor in the smelly noisy room, I got moved over to the Mother Baby unit.  I'm now in room 43 which is at the end of the hall and quiet and not stinky at all.  Yay! 

Yes, now that I'm settled in I am up for visitors.  I am now on the same regimen as I was at home with being on the monitor three times per day (7:00am, 2:00pm, 8:00pm).  Each session is an hour long. I'd prefer to avoid visitors during those times (and the half hour prior to and after each session) just because it's a bit different here than it was in Peoria.  In Peoria, the nurses could see the results of the session via computer at the nurse's station and could keep track of it themselves.  Here, I am the only one who can see what is going on so I need to stay on top of it and not be distracted by guests.  It's a bit of a bummer because I used to nap during these sessions and now that's not an option. 

The weather outside looks frightful.  At least if I'm going to be on bed-rest, now is the time to do it where it's the middle of winter when no one wants to go outside anyway.  My friend Yolanda said I'm hibernating now - I like that.  Time for a quick snooze before lunch.

Good-Bye, Peoria!

I'm going back to the Quad Cities today!  Eddie is on his way to come get me, and then he has to take me straight to Trinity hospital.  (Insurance doesn't pay to transport a patient from a higher-end facility to a lower-end one, hence traveling with my hubby which I prefer anyway).  Right now my concern is how Trinity will handle me once I'm admitted there.  I really hope they can keep me on the same regimen that I'm on now and that they don't restrict me from bathroom use like they did before.  We'll just wait and see what happens.  In the meantime, I'm relishing the fact that I'm sitting here in maternity jeans and shirt instead of an ugly hospital gown. 

I'm also hoping that by seeing Adalynn every day (even if it's just for a few minutes) it may help her situation as well.  And of course most importantly, Eddie actually will have a chance to witness the birth of his son now with me being local.  Thank goodness for that!

So we did it!  Great job, little buddy! 

32 Weeks

It's finally here - the magical 32 week mark.  The goal was for me to stay pregnant until week 32 so I could go back to the Quad Cities where a 32 week baby should be able to stay safe and sound in the NICU there without having to be sent back to Peoria.  I've held up my end of the deal by keeping this feisty little bugger inside of me for this long; now it's time to see if the doctors hold up their end of the deal and let me return home (or at the very least, my home hospital). 

I talked with the head doctor again this morning and pressed him as to when exactly he planned on contacting my doctor at home.  He told me he would call her today.  Prior to that, he wanted to see where the baby was at size-wise and where I was dilated, so I had another sonogram today.  Lil Mac is weighing in at 4 pounds 1 ounce, putting him in the 49th percentile.  I am dilated the same (between a 1 and a 2) so all is good there.  So with all that in mind, I'm hoping that my local doctor will think it's a good time to send me home.  I am worried, however, that the local neonatologist will want to hold off simply because of his experience with Adalynn.  I'm just waiting to see what happens, but of course I've been waiting all day and haven't heard a thing yet.

Once again, the ultrasound tech (different gal than the last time) commented on the quantity of our buddy's hair.  She pointed out this thick white fuzzy halo around his head, which apparently is his mane.  Wow.  She even measured his locks- 1/2 inch long!  I guess first item on the agenda after his birth is to find a good barber for our little hippy boy.

It's funny because we were so focused on getting to 32 weeks that it feels as if we're also at the end of the pregnancy - like the 32 week mark is the same as 40 weeks.  Obviously that's not the case at all, but considering this is the longest I've ever been pregnant, it feels like a really long time.  I need to get out of this mindset though because 32 weeks is still too early for Mac to arrive.  I was told today that white boy babies are the weakest when born too early.  So I suppose I should set another goal.  Let's shoot for 35 weeks.

That Glimmer is Gone

I'm an idiot.  Why did I allow myself to get my hopes up?  I guess I just needed something to look forward to or to brighten my day, but I really should have known better.  Last week, one doctor told me I'd be checked for dilation on Monday or Tuesday and as long as it all looked good, I would be sent home.  A second doctor even went as far as to give me an exact date: Wednesday.  However, today that has all changed.  The head doctor here came to see me this morning and he told me that he has no idea when or if I will be going home.  He doesn't want to check for dilation at this time, and he doesn't intend on me going home until my local doctor is aware of the situation.  I understand that, but he already said he won't call her until later on this week.  He also said he's concerned about me having our son at home so I don't think he wants to release me to our house either.  From the sounds of it, if I do get lucky enough to be released soon, it will be back to Trinity.  However, they won't let a pregnant woman travel once she is dilated to a 4 so I'm scared that if they dink around too long about sending me home, I'll be too far dilated and won't be able to be released anyway.  This is so frustrating because I had been so looking forward to getting to the 32 week mark, and now it may not even matter. 

Initially I only wanted to go home and not back to Trinity.  OSF is a much more confident hospital than Trinity is so I was worried that if I went back to the home hospital, I would be put back on the mag (the devil drug) and would have to get a catheter again and would be on the monitor 24/7, all of which would once again be miserable, in pain, and basically incoherent.  But now I wouldn't even mind going back to Trinity.  At least then I would be home in the same vicinity as family and friends; I could deliver Mac with my own doctor and my husband present; if our little guy does have to be in the NICU he would be local; and Adalynn could finally spend the night at her own house every night and I could see her every day, even if it's just for an hour.  All of that would make it worth going back to Trinity.

Our little buddy here isn't helping matters either.  Yesterday afternoon's monitor session was a nightmare.  It took five tries to even locate our active baby and get him to stay put long enough for a good reading in the first place.  Once that was all said and done, I guess I was contracting the entire time (once again, I'm not feeling these contractions except on a rare occasion) so I had to stay on the monitor for longer.  I ended up being on the darn thing for 2.5 hours (normally it's only an hour or less) before they finally decided things had calmed down enough I could come off.  Mac didn't like it either - he was kicking and pushing the thing like he was determined to get it off of him.  I didn't blame him.  So my meds were bumped up and the timing was off the rest of the night, which once again resulted in another sleepless night as I had confused nurses and techs who kept coming in and waking me up for no reason.  It seriously is impossible to sleep in this place, which is ironic when you're in a bed all day long.

Thankfully, today's monitor sessions have both been good.  Who knows what tonight will bring.  I'm looking down at my lopsided belly, patting my little buddy's rump, and thinking he and I may need to devise a plan to break out of this joint.

Glimmer of Hope

I have to admit, I've been pretty down and out this week.  Instead of getting easier, it actually has been harder being away from home as more time passes.  But I was given a glimmer of hope today that has boost my spirit quite a bit.  The doctor is always telling me that my plan of action is to stay pregnant.  So when he came to see me today, I asked him what the plan of action is if I do stay pregnant.  I was curious if 32 weeks was still the magic number and what would happen - if I would get shipped back to Trinity or if I would get to go home.  He really surprised me and told me that if things stay stable as they have been, I should be able to go home (as in my HOUSE) sometime next week or next weekend.  Of course, this is under the condition that I do NOTHING when I go home.  I must stay as stagnant as I am now.  I know it will be hard, but I am willing to do anything in order to be with Eddie and Adalynn again.  The only thing is that Eddie will have to take care of not only Adalynn but me as well.  Poor guy.  He definitely is getting the shaft in all of this. 

Also, I think I finally have them convinced that my weeks change every Tuesday and always have.  Instead of adding an extra day to the pregnancy due to the leap year, they should have shortened my due date by one day since there is an extra day this year.  I was doing a bunch of online calculations yesterday and no matter what site I was on, when I entered the first day of my last period, it gave me the same due date: March 13th.  So apparently that means I was told March 14th originally in error, most likely because my doctor was probably using her standard calendar and not one that accommodated the leap year.  I realize it's just one day, but in our circumstance every day counts and means a lot.  Supposedly they are going to update that here so we're all on the same page, and that makes a difference.  I was reading in all the preterm labor material that they gave me that every day the baby is in the womb equates to up to three days less in the NICU for the baby.  That's a big deal.

But even though there is light at the end of the tunnel, it all still depends on our little guy and if he cooperates.  My biggest worry is that he's going to decide to enter this world during a time when Eddie is not here (after all, that's most of the time) and there is no way Eddie would get here in time for the birth.  Lil Mac just needs to hang in there another week or so.  Tomorrow will be two weeks in Peoria.  In some ways, it has flown by.  In other ways, it's dragged.  But as long as our son stays put, my time here is now limited!

Eeek, Ugh, Ewww

Okay, maybe having functional lighting isn't so fantastic after all.  I can now see every frizz in my unruly hair (gosh, I miss my straightener), I've discovered a couple more gray hairs, every blemish, discoloration and freckle is revealed, and I have the bushiest unibrow of all time.  I need a serious makeover.  But I suppose in the grand scheme of things this is all irrelevant.

After the excitement a few nights ago, "Mac" and I have had a few boring days.  Of course, this is a good thing.  It's just that every time there is an uneventful day, it makes me want to go home that much more because it makes me feel like I don't belong here.  I also get jealous when I know that other moms are being discharged (three today) who were all here less time than me.  The doctor I have this week just keeps telling me to stay pregnant, and to take one day at a time, and to enjoy "the spa" - um, he's such a man.  If this was a spa, the first paragraph of this post wouldn't exist. 

The Helicopters

I have to say one thing about this room that I do like is being right next to the window and having a good view of the city.  It's not a big city with dramatic flair, but it's busy and it's still cool to check it out, especially at night with the lights.  There is a big church with a huge steeple off in the distance that I like to look at. And I love the way the sun beats on me and makes my bed warm during the day.  And the other thing I see over and over as the day goes on - helicopters.   They come so close to my window, and it's a cool sight to see.  Adalynn went bizerk when she saw them on Sunday.  I see anywhere from 2 to 10 helicopters per day fly by my window.   But then it dawns on me......... they aren't just flying by for my entertainment.  Considering this hospital's specialty, each one is most likely transporting either a premature baby or a mother in my condition.  So now with each helicopter that comes into view, I try to remember to throw up a little prayer for its passenger.

As far as Eddie and I are concerned, I'm 31 weeks today.  I'll fight anyone who tries to argue with me on that one.  Ha.  I had a sonogram today, and thankfully I'm still only dilated 1-2 even though my sessions have resulted in a number of contractions today and I'm feeling some of them.  The tech said our son has a ton of hair, although I don't know how she can see that.  But I didn't get any good pictures to share.

My sweetheart niece, Emma (who is only 10 years old), decided to make a few items for Lil Mac.  She had her mom take her to the fabric store, and she picked out some adorable fabric and made a few nursery items, including a little pillow with MAC embroidered on it and a bottle holder.  I didn't even know she had a sewing machine or expressed an interest in sewing.  How is awesome is that?  Well, these gifts have really made me want to be home and working in our son's nursery.  The nesting bug has really kicked in, but unfortunately I can't do a dang thing about it.  I hate that the nursery wasn't ready before I was hospital-bound.  I suppose I should just be thankful that it's still more complete than Adalynn's room was when she was born - we didn't even have furniture purchased at that time.  So thanks to neutral hand-me-downs from big sis, our little guy has furniture and bedding.  Eddie painted his room a few months back.  But we don't have anything set up yet in the room the way we want it, nothing is hanging on the walls, nothing is organized, and the clothes aren't washed and ready yet.  It's dawning on me that if Mac decides to enter the world, I don't even have anything washed to bring him home in.  How is someone on bed-rest supposed to nest?!  Do tell.

Another Day Down

I've now been in Peoria for one week and two days.  Apparently that's enough time to finally be worthy of a couple new light bulbs.  The lighting in this place stinks (only one of the two lights worked in the bathroom and my two-way light fixture above my bed was really just a one-way).  They finally got that updated for me.   Also, I was given a new menu today for those who are here on "extended stay" so my food options are now expanded.  Aren't I special?  That should make the dietician happy, who is convinced I'm not eating enough.  She was freaked out because I've lost five pounds in the last week.  I reassured  her that for someone my size, this is not a bad thing.  It's not like I'm withering away to nothing.  I wish she'd just check my food orders so she can rest easy that I've had three balanced meals every day.

Last night I had a little bit of a scare that thankfully resulted in nothing.  My evening monitor session resulted in contraction after contraction, and I felt a lot of tightening and pressure through the whole thing.  After an hour, they had me empty my bladder and switch to the other side in hopes that would rectify the situation, but unfortunately the same thing happened.  Due to this, the resident on duty was called in and she had to check to see how far I was dilated.  Good news - between 1-2.  I haven't progressed and gotten any worse.  She asked if I was in pain, and I said no.  So because I wasn't in pain or further dilated, she decided to just have me take my meds an hour earlier and hope that a good night of sleep would take care of the issue.  Thankfully, it did.  I haven't felt any of the same pressure today, and I only had 2 contractions this morning and 1 this afternoon during the sessions.  I've been feeling better today as well.  I met a new doctor this morning who said we just need to take one day at a time and see how it goes.  Hopefully last night was a fluke.  He did tell me if that didn't work and I continued to have contractions, I could end up back on the magnesium.  This has me completely freaked out.  I was out of commission totally when I was on that stuff, and it most likely means I would have a catheter put back in as well.  Keep praying that things stay as they are - the mag scares me to death!

Speaking of prayers, please remember to pray for Adalynn too instead of just Lil Mac.  I noticed a change in my little girl when I saw her - she's much more sensitive and flies off the handle over extremely minor things.   She also cried when being dropped off at the daycare today, which is not normal at all.  I know it's a result of her situation and the fact that her life is topsy-turvy.   I just hope everyone she comes in contact with can have patience with her and realize that she's only three and doesn't have the ability to easily adapt and cope with strange situations like adults can.  (As if I have room to talk - I don't like my nurse today at all, and I'm pretty sure she figured that out.  So maybe I'm not coping well either!)  

This Patient Needs Patience

Some days are easier than others.  I have tried hard to keep my spirits up and be a good little patient at this hospital.  But admittedly, I'm getting sick of this!  I know it's not the nurses' fault that I'm in this predicament so I'm doing my best to still be chipper in front of them, but I guess I have been a little snippy from time to time with a few that have rubbed me the wrong way.  And one nurse caught me crying in bed today.  I told her it was just hormones, which she accepted. 

I guess what is driving me crazy is that it seems every nurse has an issue with my daily monitoring sessions.  The last couple of days, I've had what is considered "normal" sessions - where the baby is looking good (heart rate where it should be and moving well with no sign of stress) and I have 4 or less contractions per hour-long session.  Yet even though this is good, most of the nurses drill me about those few contractions..... Did you feel anything?  Are you sure you didn't feel anything?  No tightening or pressure?  Are you sure there was no cramping or anything?  And so it goes, and each time I helplessly have to tell them "No, I don't feel anything" when I really want to scream "Of course I don't feel anything - that's why I'm here in the first place!!!!!"  Every time the nurse gives me a look that either says (a) I think you're lying or (b) I think you're an idiot and completely clueless for not feeling any of these contractions.  I accepted this initially, but now their reactions are really bothering me.  Look, I wish I could feel these so-called contractions, but I don't.  I can tell you what I do feel: discomfort from lying around all day long, heartburn that makes me want to throw up, numb legs and hips from having to always be on my side, a constant urge to use the restrom, and a baby that is kicking my insides to a pulp.  And now I feel guilty because I'm wishing I was a good enough mother to feel what the nurses want me to feel.  I'm an inadequate mom to Adalynn right now, and apparently I am to Lil Mac too because I can't seem to feel any warning signs of his possible early arrival.  So yes, I get down and a bit snippy or weepy. 

The good news is that for the first time today, I can actually say I experienced some tightening in the lower abdomen.  This happened in my afternoon monitor session, and Eddie looked up at the screen and sure enough - I was having a contraction. Finally!  There's some hope for me after all.  Not that I want to be having contractions, but I do want to know what to expect so I can tell the staff if I have any when I'm not on the monitor.

I'm now further along in this pregnancy than I was with Adalynn.  While this isn't the setting, the background, or the attire I had in mind for our little black-and-white photo shoot, Eddie did a couple of pictures.  Perhaps not ideal, but I'll take what I can get.

My kids...............

Exhausted from this craziness

Missing My Girl

My precious Adalynn Hope was born at 30 weeks and 3 days.  Today was technically the 30 week and 3 day mark for "Mac", but Peoria has decided to change that on me.  So I suppose the new 30 week and 3 day goal is officially tomorrow now.  Nevertheless come Sunday, we'll be in "unchartered territory" as Eddie refers to it.  I have faith we can get there.  Back before this bed-rest nonsense I had planned in my mind to have an at-home black-and-white photo shoot of Adalynn with her little brother once we surpassed the 30 week and 3 day mark.  I love it when she hugs and kisses my tummy so I really wanted to capture that on camera.  It won't be as cute with 80s hospital vibe in the background so I guess that's out now. 

But I will see her again on Sunday, assuming things continue to go smoothly.  Gosh, I miss her so much.  It's crazy because at the beginning of her young life, she was away from us at this hospital, and now I'm away from her at the same place.  It's a killer either way, let me tell you.  The one thing that had helped me hold it together was the assumption that Adalynn wouldn't really care about this unfortunate situation due to her nonchalant attitude about things and the fact that she's not really an emotional creature.  But I'm finding that my little girl does have an emotional side and she truly does care.  Eddie says that she gets upset over things that don't make sense to her - like why Mommy's car is in the garage when I'm not home.  She got frustrated over the fact that my toothbrush was not in its spot so Eddie had to put a different one there to pacify her.  My mother-in-law gave me a recordable book that I read and recorded for Adalynn last weekend here that she now "reads" every night before bed (brilliant idea, BTW, I never would have thought of it).  Eddie says that Addy loves it and will run her fingers over the speaker when she hears my voice and will say "I love you too, Mommy" when I'm done reading.  She told Eddie that she misses me "so much".   These are all things that break my heart, even if they are good to hear.  It's nice to know that she does miss me as much as I miss her, but it sure was easier to handle when I thought she was in oblivious bliss. 

Several people have told me that Adalynn won't remember this when she gets older; she's too young and her memory won't reach this far back.  I hope that's true, although I'll always feel the sting.  I just keep hoping and praying that me being here actually works - not only for "Mac's" sake, but for Adalynn's.  I don't want to feel as if I wasted time away from home sitting stagnant in a hospital bed only to still end up with a premature little boy in the NICU and a confused little girl at home wondering what happened to her happy and stable home life.   Another hard part about this is that Adalynn is in the best stage right now; not that she's perfect but the last few months really have been awesome with her.  I hate that I'm missing such a fun stage with her.  But I suppose on the other hand, it's best that she's in this cooperative part of her life while only Daddy, Nana, and Papa have to deal with her.  It should make things a bit easier for them. 

Well, I get to see my wonderful hubby tonight so it's a day worthy of make-up.  I'll get to that after lunch.  And just a couple more days until I get to see my baby girl.

Shut the Door!!!!

I know I initially raved about the awesome nurses here, but my last few have bugged me.   I mean, Mac and I are the most low-maintenance patients  they have in this ward so it's not like we're demanding or have high expectations.  And I do realize that it's probably  not for good reasons  that the last few nurses have irked me  - it's the little things that annoy me.  Like don't tell me you'll be here at 9:00 for my monitor session and don't show up until 9:40.  And it's not cool not to answer when I call you... twice.  And for goodness sake, shut my door when you leave!  After all, I'm not allowed to get out of bed to do it myself so why leave it open for the world to see my bedhead???  Not only that, but I don't want to hear all the sounds from the hallway - like kids visiting their mommies, or other moms and their pregnancy complications, or the hospital gossip amongst staff.  Why is it so hard for today's nurse to shut the dang door?!

Now I could get irritable and throw a fuss, but my day was brightened by the generosity of friends, family, and work team.  Surprises like flowers, gift baskets, gas cards, phone calls, and emails really made my day.  I cannot tell you how much it means to know that so many people are thinking of us and praying for us.  Your support and generosity have brought me to tears, and I can't thank you all enough.  Cyber hugs to all!

Boring Day

It was a boring day today - but that's a good thing!  What is ideal right now are boring days where things stay "normal" and there is no drama of any kind.  If I'm lucky, I'll have a boring two or three weeks to follow here in Peoria. 

I only had a couple of contractions on both this morning's and this afternoon's monitor sessions.  The doctor was pleased with that.  I was able to take a shower today which always perks me up a bit.  And my friend Jess visited me for the second day in a row and even brought me a Starbucks mocha.  Mmmmmm.  (Such a blessing to have a friend here in Peoria - if I was in Iowa City, I wouldn't have anyone nearby). 

The only drama of my day was when I was struggling with the dang table and trying to raise it (which isn't easy to do while stuck in bed) and in the meantime, the table bumped the chair next to the bed which was holding the laptop case.  The laptop case then topples over and the laptop falls out onto the floor with a bang.  I thought for sure I managed to break our new toy, especially when I noticed part of it was no longer in place.  Boy was I freaking out - worth the hassle of undoing the leg "massagers" (what a joke) to get out bed and check out the situation.  I pushed the piece back in and so far it looks like the computer is still working.  Whew.  Basically the point of the story is that despite what everyone may think, it's not easy laying around all day long.  The slightest activities turn into a chore and result in potentially bad accidents.  It can be quite frustrating to keep spirits up when everything is such a struggle.

From what I understand, Eddie and Adalynn are doing fine on their own.  Sigh.  It's not easy knowing they can move on with their lives without me.  Adalynn wasn't happy with Daddy though when he took one of my yogurts from the fridge.  She scolded him saying it was Mommy's.  Apparently she also feels more comfortable having someone in my place at the dinner table so she's made Eddie sit in my chair the last couple of days.  Eddie said he even attempted to put Adalynn's hair in a ponytail today.   Wow - way to go, Daddy!

30 Weeks.... Not So Much

Today was supposed to have marked the 30-week goal.  I was so excited until the ultrasound tech told me this morning that I'm not 30 weeks but 29 weeks and 6 days.  WHAT?!!!  I told her that wasn't possible because it always changed every Tuesday,  and she thought maybe with the new 2012 calendar the day is off by one now thanks to the leap year.  Well just fabulous.  So this means my goal to get home is now delayed by an additional 24 hours.  Grrrr.  Now in my mind I can still think I'm 30 weeks but it won't matter because Peoria will be thinking differently anyway.  Grrrr again.

Today is my last day of the oral med (indosin?) that was a 72-hour med.  I will start the new oral med tonight at midnight (can't recall the name but it starts with a P).  I'm not sure how long I will be on the new med, but I suppose I am okay with them continuing to keep me drugged if it means our little man will stay put longer.  I still didn't have any contractions when I was monitored this morning, but our rock-n-roller does not like to stay put to have his heart rate monitored for an hour.  I was trying to give the nurse a break and keep finding him myself, but it wasn't always easy.  At one point she came in and said that my baby was being very cooperative today, and I said no - it was just me trying to stay on top of his movements.  Yep, I tattled on my kid.   Update: this afternoon's monitor session did not go as well.  I was contracting every 3 minutes then slowed down to every 9 and back up to every 5.  This means I'm now going to start on the new med very soon and will not finish up the indosin until later on this evening.  I'm worried about this evening's monitor session and am hoping and praying there are no contractions.  I really don't want to go back on the mag (the devil med).  The sad part is that I haven't felt one of these contractions.

There's been a lot of activity today.  I met the dietician and the neonatal case manager and the nurse manager this morning.  I also met another new doctor, who is pretty cool.  And I had a sonogram here for the first time.  They checked the full anatomy of the baby, and he looks perfect here too.  The pictures here were not as good as the ones I get from home, aside from one that the doctor got herself so I'll post that one below.  "Mac" is weighing in at 3 pounds 2 ounces right now.  Because I'm already dilated there was obviously no reason to check for cervical length since there is none.  The doctor also didn't feel it necessary to check to see how dilated I am right now- like she said, there is no reason disrupting anything down there right now.  Since I'm not contracting (or at least wasn't at the time when she said this), they'll just leave that area alone and not worry about how far I'm dilated.  As of Saturday night, I was nearly dilated to a 3 but without contractions now, that no longer matters.  I'm wondering if that will change and if they will check again maybe tomorrow if I continue to contract tonight - who knows.  If they do check again, hopefully they can still push baby boy's head back up like they did the other night.  That was the good sign - although he's low and head-down, he wasn't effaced enough yet so he could be pushed back up.  I don't want him to be a pushover forever, but for now it's a good thing.

I also wanted to clear up one thing that seems to be causing confusion - our son's name is NOT Mac.  That is just his nickname, but I never made that clear on the blog.  Why is his nickname Mac?  Because big sis' nickname is Cheese so we have our Mac n Cheese.  Yes,  Mac has a real name but we're keeping that a secret until his arrival..... which I am still hoping will be later rather than sooner.  Wish us luck tonight!

CHUBBY CHEEKS!!!

Bittersweet

This is Sarah - I'm back and trying to figure out this laptop.
Today was a bittersweet day.  It started off great; Doc took me off the "mag" (their lingo for that awful magnesium) so I am no longer hooked up to an IV.  I feel more human again because I could finally shower and see clearly.  The contractions are more rare now so either the mag worked or the other med I'm on (which is oral and doesn't mess with my body) or just the bedrest itself.  Lil Mac is still fine and rolling around like normal, not making it easy to locate him from time to time.  The nurse said all the babies were wiggly jiggly today so it wasn't just our little man.  I will stay on the oral med for just a little while longer - I can only be on it for 72 hours.  So once that is done, I will have no medicine to stop the contractions, which has me concerned.  Of course, if they start up again the doctor will put me back on the mag.  I'm worried that I will have the same terrible reaction to it should that happen, but hopefully my body has adjusted enough by now that it shouldn't be a problem.  We shall wait and see.

My parents brought Adalynn to town to see me.  It was wonderful spending some time with her.  One of the techs here brought Addy a few movies to watch (my room is in the old part of the hospital and only has VHS) so I wasn't sure what kind of variety we would get.  What do you know - she brought Adalynn's current favorite movie, Beauty and the Beast.  Boy was she excited and she even thanked the tech on her own.  The hard part was when it was time for Eddie and Adalynn to leave.  The reality set in that this will be the last time I will see them for a while (until this weekend) and that they are going back to their "normal" lives - with Eddie to work and Adalynn to Just Kids and I'm stuck here away from them completely missing everything.  I tried to hold it together but when Addy said she wanted to stay at the hospital with me, I lost it.  I've been crying ever since they left.  My daughter is not the most empathetic or emotional person at all, and I am okay with it.  She is who she is, and I love her even if she is not emotional.  So needless to say, it took me by surprise to see her get upset and not want to leave me.  It was defnitely an emotional "good bye" tonight.

But let's look at the bright side - they are taking really good care of me here.  I know I was relunctant to come and I didn't want to leave town, but I can't complain.  The nurses, the techs, the docs, and even the cleaning and food staff have been very accommodating.  I like where I'm at right now where I'm allowed to get up to use the bathroom instead of having a catheter, and they don't bug me every hour while I try to sleep in this wing.  So what if I can't turn the TV off from my bed, or warm up this room from it's subzero temp, or get a hot shower for more than 2 seconds.  All that pales in comparison to the fact that they have stopped my contractions and have kept my son inside me into the new year.  I truly hope I can stay put in this room for the next 2-3 weeks until it's "safe" enough for me to come home to Trinity.  I just hope I can handle the weeks without my family without going into emotional distress.  In the meantime, while it's Eddie and Adalynn back at home, it's me and Mac here just chilling.  I'm not alone.

Happy New Year!

Happy New Year! It was a good night, relatively speaking. Sarah had a much better night than the previous one as her body is adapting to the magnesium. However, there are a few side effects. For example, she can now use telepathy to summon objects from across the room by use of the Force. Sorry, that was just one of the strange dreams I had last night. Seemed real though. Getting serious, she feels very numb, limp, "almost like a rubber band" she says.
The good news is that the contractions stopped and the doctor is now allowing her to get up to go to the bathroom and shower. After 2 days of laying down it was no easy task for her to stand up (with the help of a nurse and myself of course) on rubbery legs. But she did it and was able to freshen herself up a bit and just "feel human again".
She is now resting as we wait for her to be moved down to a less critical unit. Since the medication seems to be working and the contractions have stopped they are going to free up this room we are in now for someone who may need it more. The bad part about that is we like this room, it is big and I can stay here with her, and we don't know if she will be moving to a shared room or not. If it is shared then I can't stay the night with her. I suppose that is OK as I need to get Addy and myself back to somewhat of a normal life back home.
I also want to say that I am starting to grow attached to my little boy. I can hear his little heart beating on the monitor right now and every time he moves or kicks I can hear it. He is a strong, active, and sometimes ornery little guy. Even though we are trying so hard to keep him from popping out I can honestly say that I can't wait to meet my boy. I can just see him with his little Cardinal hat on and a glove on his hand as we play catch. I've said enough. Now I must watch Field Of Dreams when I get home.