Those Darn 3s (by eddie)

It was 3 years, 3 months, 3 days, and roughly 3 hours before that Sarah and I left this place (Peoria) with our lil princess hoping never to return. But here we are again and as I walked down the halls to find my wife (who came by ambulance) at OSF I couldn't help but get those gut wrenching feelings of nostalgia. My daughter, my little precious Addy who was born at 3 pounds and 13 ounces once lived here for 3 weeks and 3 days. This was all because she was born early after only having spent 30 weeks and 3 days in the belly. In reflection it seems that the time must have flown by. But when we were here it lasted an eternity. And now as I walk through the place I find myself instinctively knowing where the next restroom or elevator is. In fact, if it weren't for some of the remodeling that has occurred here I would think we never left.
Part of me is proud as I remembered the job the staff did here with Addy. They, along with the staff at Trinity, saved her life numerous times until she was strong enough to go home.
Another part of me is angry. My family feels separated now and my home is abandoned. We are missing our Addy more than she could ever know. Right now she is staying with Sarah's parents (angels by the way) and the 3 of them are safe back there off 13th street while the 3 of us are here - a full 3 hour round trip away.
Things have been a little scary for us right off the bat as the local doctor informed us that Sarah was dilated at nearly a 3 and having contractions 3 minutes apart. This of course gave me 3 more gray hairs in my 3 month old goatee. It has also prompted the staff here to be very watchful of Sarah, checking on her 3 times in the last 30 minutes. They have also upped her dosage of Magnesium to 3 (grams I think) for the next 3 hours. There are also 3 doctors here monitoring the situation.
I am going to have to stop now before I drive myself and you crazy with numbers. I'm sorry - it is the language that I speak. And of course I was the 3rd born in my sprawling family so 3s just seem to pop out at me....everywhere.
With that I will say good night with a bit of anxiety about what tomorrow, day 3, will bring. I thank you all for your thoughtful messages, prayers, help, and love. Just knowing that we are in your thoughts is a bit humbling. We love you all.
Lastly,  I am happy to report that for now, at this moment, my Sarah is sound asleep. It has been a long time since I have seen her look so peaceful. I promise, I will not ask her for a 3rd....

Peoria

Eddie here. Just as it seemed that things were starting to normalize a little bit for us we were given the news that we were hoping to avoid: Sarah is going to Peoria. I'm still in a little bit of denial about the whole thing. I was just getting used to the idea of Sarah being here and trying to figure out how we were going to manage our lives between my job, Addy and daycare, and of course spending as much time with Sarah. Now this changes things. Instead of being less than 10 minutes from home she will now be an hour and a half. The biggest concern for me is how I get Sarah as much quality time with Addy as possible. We have been trying so hard to expand our family and now it seems like we are being split up in three directions with Sarah going to Peoria, Adalynn going to Nana and Papa's, and me going back and forth between the two.
That's all I got for now as we were just told that we had about 20 minutes to get ready to go....

Mac Attack- Part 2

This is Sarah, and I figured I would just add my thoughts as well.  Let me tell you that keeping Mac in the sack has been a brutal process.  This magnesium that the have me on (to stop the contractions) has given me the worst night of my life.  More than once I burst into tears and begged Eddie to get me out of here.  The med makes you nauseaus, gives you a migrain, blurs your vision, and makes your whole body limp and "asleep".  On top of that, I have the discomfot of a catheter and the pain of the IV and meds shooting up my arm and being interrupted every 1/2 hour to check my reflexes, temp, and blood pressure since the med is toxic.  I got very little sleep last night, and none of it was quality sleep.  I'm a complete wreck right now - emotional anyway just because I'm preggers, uncomfortable, and now completely exhausted on top of it all.  I almost think it was easier having a baby at home. 

I know I had originally wanted to have visitors, but unfortunately this hasn't been the hospital stay that I thought it would be.  I figured I would just be laying around in bed, but instead I'm downright miserable.  I'm in no shape for company, and I really hope you understad.  If I get off this med and am able to get cleaned up and feel more human again someday, then I'll let you know I'm ready to be seen.

We're still waiting on the doctor to come check in today.  Hopefully I haven't dilated any more and I'm still just at a 1.  She's already talked to the NICU doc who says he'd rather our baby be born in either IA City or Peoria before 32 weeks so there's still a possibility I'll get moved to one of those hospitals if I show any signs of laboring further.  Obviously I don't want to be away from Eddie and Adalynn like that, but I need to be sure Mac gets the best care possible, especially with him being a boy and the difficulties premature boys face.  It's frustrating because I really like my doctor and I don't want anyone other than her delivering our son.  I guess what I want doesn't matter though.

I keep battling the "stupid me" blues.  I'm stupid because I should have known this was going to happen based on our history, yet we tried for a second baby anyway.  I guess I just assumed it would be better this time around because the medical professionals all seemed to think it would be - that what happened with Adalynn was a fluke occurrence and I'd be monitored more closely this time so things should go much smoothly.  Yet this has been a worse pregnancy than the first and if anything, the stress of the premature labor is that much harder this time around because we also have our little girl at home to worry about.  It's not like we can concentrate solely on Mac like we did with Adalynn.  Thankfully, Addy loves her grandparents and they have been superstars helping us out with her and taking good care of her.  A big shout-out here to Nana and Papa!  I also want to send kudos and appreciation to my husband.  Eddie has been awesome getting so much down around the house so there is less for me to worry about while I'm stuck in the hospital.  I really appreciate everyone's support, but most of all we need those prayers.  Please keep praying that our little guy stays put and selfishly pray that we can stay here in town.  Thank you, all, and Happy 2012.

Mac Attack!!!

This is Eddie, Sarah's husband and father of Lil Mac. I just wanted to write a brief update on what is going on today. We went to Sarah's appointment this morning bright and early at 7:30 to have an ultrasound and cervical length check. The tech, Pat, immediately noticed that the length of the cervix has significantly decreased. Just one week ago it was 3.9 centimeters and dropped to 1.7 centimeters with funneling when pressure was applied. This led to the doctor ordering moderate bed rest at home for Sarah. This morning the length was 1.6 centimeters with obvious funneling without any pressure applied at all. In fact Pat was actually afraid to apply pressure because she was worried that "he might fall out". Well she did, with a bit of caution, apply just a little pressure and the measurement dropped down to 1.3.
Of course we were in a bit of shock. Sarah has been trying so hard to take it easy this last week. There has been some Christmas activities but for the most part she has tried to keep her activity to a minimum (especially by her standards). So we were hoping for a good report and were a little shocked to see the shortened cervix extending out of tornado like opening of the uteris. For once something was actually clear to me as I viewed it on the ultrasound screen. Unfortunately it wasn't something cool, like a big facial profile or gender verification (still taking their word on that one). Instead it was the one thing we didn't want to see. The thing that is sure to totally disrupt our lives and dictate weeks, if not months in the hospital.
So we finished with the ultrasound and waited patiently for an hour for the doctor to show up at 9am. During this time we both talked over the possibilities of what was coming next as the shock started to wear away and reality started to set in. Our biggest fear was that Sarah would be sent to Iowa City. Just the thought of this was enough to bring tears to her eyes. She does not want to be away, especially from Adalynn, for any length of time let alone potentially weeks.
Eventually the doc walked in with that look on her face. She didn't waste any time in breaking the news that she was admitting Sarah into the hospital to monitor her and try to see what was going on. When we asked her if Sarah could stay locally she paused before saying that she would be on the phone with Iowa City and it was up to them. They do not want Sarah to go into labor here locally until she is at least 32 weeks along. So, if it is determined that Mac is on the attack then Sarah will be going to Iowa City.
We are currently sitting in a labor and delivery room with Sarah hooked up to devices that read the baby's heartrate as well as monitor possible contractions. Unfortunately there have been a few minor contractions that Sarah hasn't even felt. Kind of scary because we wouldn't even know about them if not for the monitor. Sarah is also hooked up to an IV and is receiving a dose of magnesium to help calm her uteris. Of course, this medicine is potentially toxic and has its own side effects that Sarah is dealing with. All in all it is safe to say that it has been one rough day for Sarah. Not to mention the fact that neither of us have seen Addy for over 22 hours. It is amazing how quickly we can start to miss that little girl.
It is also rumored that the doctor will be here "before 1pm" to update us on our status. Of course it is actually 2:30 and no sign of the doc. Just love hospitals!
There's the update. Now we wait for others to decide our fate. Oh dear, I'm rhyming again....

Tis the Season to be Holly, Jolly, and Bedridden

My doctor decided to give me a Christmas gift today – it wasn’t a fancy package by any means, and it was dropped in my lap with a thud.  She gave me bed-rest, and she didn’t even try to pretty up the news with any sort of festive embellishment.  I’d rather have been given coal in my stocking, thankyouverymuch.  So what happened?  I’ll tell you……

I had my ultrasound this morning, which admittedly I was nervous about after the last ultrasound two weeks ago and the fact that I’ve been extremely uncomfortable and haven’t gotten much sleep the last two nights.  But much to my surprise my cervical length actually increased again – above 3.5.  Just as I had gotten my hopes up and breathed a huge side of relief and was ready to pat my back over being such a good girl and taking it easy, I saw Pat’s face fall (she’s my ultrasound tech).  She’s such an optimistic lady and is always looking at the bright side of everything so I’ve never seen that look on her face.  When pressure was applied to my abdomen, the cervical length dropped down to 1.7 (HUGE decrease – remember two weeks ago it dropped from 2.9 to 2.6 with pressure) and this time there was …. dum dum dum….. funneling.  (Cue the horrific screams).  What is funneling?  In really generic terms, it’s basically when the cervix takes the shape of a tornado (funnel cloud).  This is a sign of premature labor, and doctors get much more alarmed about funneling than they do cervical length.   Had my cervical length decreased when pressure was applied and there was still no funneling, I’m guessing I wouldn’t be on bed-rest right now. 

My doctor was all business today.  I had a whole slew of questions I was going to ask her about a variety of things, but I didn’t even get to the list.  Dr. said I was to go Labor & Delivery to be monitored for contractions and to get a steroid shot.  When she said I was to be on bed-rest effective immediately, I asked if it was possible to work shorter work days or to work from home, and she said I wasn’t too work at all.  I could get up to go to the bathroom, take a shower, sit at the dinner table for meals, and am allowed “minor Christmas activity”.  That’s it.  Geesh, if that’s limited bed-rest what is the full-fledged bed-rest – sponge baths and a bed pan?  EEEEEK! 

So I went to Labor & Delivery (got choked up walking past Adalynn’s old hospital room in the NICU) and got hooked up to the monitor for an hour.  Thankfully, I wasn’t having any contractions so I wasn’t expected to stay at the hospital.  Whew.  They gave me a steroid shot in the rear, and I go back tomorrow for another.  That’s not a pleasant experience, but it’s to help Lil Mac’s lungs develop and function sooner should he come along in the near future.  (In general, boys don’t always fare as well as girls when born prematurely and take a bit longer to “learn” how to breathe on their own).  The good news is that when Pat took a look at him on the ultrasound, she noticed that his chest was rising and falling, which is a sign of lung development so he was making progress in the right direction even before the shot.  He’s also head-down and doesn’t have the umbilical cord wrapped around his neck or anything else out of the ordinary; so if he does decide to take a nosedive like big sis, he’s in good position.  He’s at a good weight (2 pounds 13 ounces) which puts him in the 58^th percentile so they view that as a positive note too.  And aside from all that, Pat also pointed out that he has a head of hair, which explains the terrible heartburn.   Anyway, I go back on Tuesday for a stress test and then again next Friday bright and early in the morning for yet another ultrasound.  (Apparently I’m still allowed to leave the house as long as I am at the hospital).

I know it’s that time of year to spread good cheer, but right now I am in the bah-humbug-corner with Scrooge McDuck.  (Thanks to my darling daughter, I know the Mickey Christmas Carol characters way too well).  Starting tonight, I won’t even get to sleep in my own bed.   Our bedroom is downstairs, and I shouldn’t be taking the stairs too much so the more I limit the trips up and down to our room, the better.  Admittedly, this may be a good thing because I haven’t been able to get comfortable anyway, and I’m sure I’m driving poor Eddie crazy.  We’re also tossing around the idea of getting a laptop because, again, our computer is downstairs so that limits my internet activity.  Let’s face it;  I can only watch so much TV or read so many books before I  will have to journal from time to time and read pointless Yahoo stories.   I’m hoping we can work out some way of me being able to do some computer work from home because I know I will be stir crazy, and I feel incredibly guilty for not having anything prepared and ready to go for my coworkers should this have happened.  As long as my feet are elevated while I’m on the computer and at home, I’m not breaking any rules so I’m keeping my fingers crossed we can work something out.  I also feel bad because my husband is now currently out doing all my errands that I can no longer do.  I feel as if I’m indebted to everyone for picking up all my slack until this is over.

But the fact of the matter is, in order to take care of Lil Mac and be a good mom to the little guy I must do what the doctor says.  Every day that goes by while he’s still in the womb, he has more chance of having good eyesight, being able to breathe, and avoiding the heart surgery that Adalynn had.  So while I’m grumpy at the moment, I am well aware that I’m doing the right thing as I sit around and twiddle my thumbs. 

Here’s hoping you all have a Merry Christmas!  While it’s a hectic time of year, be appreciative of the fact that you can get around to accomplish what you need to.  Have a wonderful time with your family and friends, and remember the true reason for the season.  (I’ll take my own advice and dwell on that last part, and I’m sure my spirits will pick up soon).  HAPPY HOLIDAYS!

Awwwww.....I think he looks like Eddie's side of the fam in this photo

Apparently it takes a mother's love to view this photo correctly.  While I think he looks like my side of the family here, others think he looks like a cat or a bunny.  Sigh.  Try to focus on those adorable chubby cheeks, people!

The Panic is Setting In

The good news – we’ve made it to week 26!  This is another monumental week – babies born this early have a 75% survival rate!  We’re feeling more comfortable in the event Lil Mac decides to be an early bird, but of course we’d still prefer to get further along than we did with Adalynn.  I had miscalculated previously when I thought my 30-week mark would be right at Christmastime.  Actually, 30 weeks won’t be here until January 3^rd.  So this means instead of having a goal to make it through Christmas, my goal is now to make it through New Year’s.  At least that gives me time to get the Christmas décor put away before he arrives.  ;)  Seriously, though, I’d love to have the month of January to focus on the nursery so let’s hope he’s content to stay put for a while.

The bad news – the further along we get, the more the panic starts to set in.  The realization hits that we could be getting close; and as much as we joke around about how I need to start carrying a phone with me every time I use a restroom, the fact is we may have another premature baby and he may not get as lucky as his big sister.  What if he decides to arrive while I’m at work, in the store, or in the car?  What if I’m alone when this happens?  What if he’s breach or has the umbilical cord wrapped around his neck and we’re not in a hospital?  I know it’s not good to freak myself out and worry over things that most likely will not happen.  But the paranoia started to creep in at my check-up today.  My cervical length has decreased.  It technically isn’t something to be concerned about just yet simply because I’m still within the “good” range for length.  However, in five weeks time I’ve gone from measuring at 3.9 to 2.9 – that’s a big drop.  The other item of concern is that up until today’s appointment, my cervical length hasn’t changed when they’ve applied pressure to my abdomen.  Today, however, it decreased even further to 2.6.  I’m so used to being well above 3 and everything looking just normal that the decrease completely took me by surprise.  So what is considered a “good” range for cervical length?  It depends on who you talk to.  In our area, doctors always want to see it above 2.5.  In areas like Iowa City where they specialize in this kind of thing, they’re much more lenient and are okay with measurement of 1.5 or above.  So keeping this in mind, I’m still perfectly fine and nowhere near going into premature labor (especially since there is also still no sign of funneling).  However, my doctor wants to see me in two weeks, and she started tossing around that nasty horrible “bed-rest” term if I drop below 2.5.  I’ve been an emotional wreck ever since the appointment.  I feel so much pressure now to get as much as I can possibly accomplish in two weeks done in the event that I’m stuck on bed-rest soon.  And the thought of that overwhelms me and sends me into panic mode again.  My problem is that I hate the unknown – and basically everything is unknown for me in as little as two weeks.  I have no idea how long I’ll be able to continue work, how soon our little man will arrive, whether or not I will even be able to return to work, and how I can possibly get everything “ready” before he’s born when there is no predicting when that will be.  Toss in the usual holiday stress that everyone experiences and the crazy pregnancy hormones and let me tell you – I’m a mess! 

So basically at this point I just need some prayers for my sanity.  Deep down I know I’m making matters worse and stressing over too many things.  But I can’t seem to relax anyway.  I’m so used to my doctor appointments providing me with peace of mind, and today was the exact opposite.  Oh, and while you’re praying for my sanity also pray that my hunger pains go away.  The other bad (and shocking) news was that I have gained 7 pounds in the last three weeks.  THREE WEEKS.  Keep in mind that I have only gained 10 pounds total in the previous 23 weeks.  Craziness!!!!!  And like my doctor said, it’s not like I can exercise or anything to help combat the weight gain – after all, anything physical was forbidden a long time ago back when I was classified as “high risk”.  Grrrr.

Anyway, enough freaking out.  Let’s focus on our cute little boy, shall we?  Heart rate is a good strong 160, and his mouth was active today – he gave us a HUGE yawn, and he looked like he was talking up a storm in there.       

His mouth is open - looked like he was chatting

Close-Up

Now to lighten the mood - this totally made me laugh so I figured I would share.  Our annual holiday family photo shoot was a disaster this year (don't expect a nice picture in your Christmas card!)  This picture in particular cracks me up.  Apparently our firstborn turned gangsta on us at some point......

Wazzup?!  Holiday cheer in da house, yo!

(Almost) 24 Weeks & Counting!

Tomorrow I’ll be at the 24-week mark.  For most pregnant gals, this is the part of the pregnancy where they feel their best and are in the “honeymoon” period.  For me, it’s a step in the right direction because I’m moving out of the “sick-and-puking-every-day” phase and into the “only-queasy-every-now-and-then-at-night-but-have-massive-heartburn” phase.  But it’s also a big step because according to the national average, 50% of babies born at 24 weeks survive.  We’re now in the 50/50 odds, folks, and I am relieved for that.  The survival rate is actually higher here locally in Iowa City, but of course that’s assuming you actually are in the hospital (or at least in close proximity to the hospital) when the baby is born.  ;)

The latest ultrasound continued to show good news: my cervix is still measuring at a good length, no funneling, and my placenta has moved up to where it should be.  In fact, all is so well that my doctor is willing to wait three weeks to see me for the next appointment instead of two.  Progress!  Lil Mac is still hanging out very low and even had his face crammed up against my uterus.  It’s no wonder I’m so uncomfortable and have so much pelvic pain and pressure.  The doctor says it’s fine for me to take some Tylenol to help ease my discomfort a bit and has reassured me that the baby is not going anywhere outside of the womb thanks to everything else looking as it should; apparently he has just decided that he’s where he wants to be so I need to adjust.  It was hard getting a good photo of him at the last visit because his face was smashed into me, and he would turn away from us every time we went in for a closer look.  Little stinker.  At one point, we saw him reaching for his toes, which was cute.  He’s still my little rock-n-roller and is quite busy in there at all times.  I was reading that maybe he has the hiccups and that could be some of the activity that I’m feeling.  Who knows; I just know that he’s much more active than Adalynn ever was, and I am still fascinated by how much movement goes on in there.  He’s got a heck of a lot more energy than I do, and I worry I won’t keep up with him when he’s here.

Adalynn’s reaction goes in spurts.  Now that we’ve made progress on the nursery, I’ve seen a jealous side of her.  She’ll say she wants the baby’s room now.  But other times, she hugs and kisses my belly and acts so loving towards her little brother already.  She still sings to him, and now she’ll “read” her books to him as well.  I know for a while I was worrying that Mac doesn’t have the same attention focused on him that Adalynn did in the womb, and I worry that he’s second-fiddle.  My friend, Petra, pointed out that he has different advantages that Adalynn never had – like a big sister to sing and read to him.  Petra's so right.  (He seems to like Adalynn the best anyway!)

Lookin' Good

I'm at 21.5 weeks and all is well.  I just had another ultrasound on Friday, and once again my cervix is measuring as it should, and there is no funneling or other signs of premature labor.  I get checked every two weeks to make sure I'm still on track.  I'm glad I didn't need to go through the surgery to have my cervix stitched up, but admittedly in the back of my mind I still have this constant worry that something will go wrong.  After all, everything looked peachy with Adalynn when I was at the 20-week mark with her, and she still arrived 10 weeks later.  But I guess that is what these every two-week check-ups are for, right?  It appears that so far the progesterone is doing it's job and keeping Lil Mac content where he's at, and it's such a relief with each ultrasound to hear that everything looks perfectly normal.  Even though I still have the pelvic pressure and pain already, each check-up provides me with peace of mind (for a little while anyway). 

I only had one picture taken of myself when I was pregnant with Adalynn, and it was when I was 20 weeks.  So I had Eddie take a picture of me when I was 20 weeks this time as well.  Not much of a difference, eh?

20 Wks W/ Adalynn

20 Weeks W/ Lil Mac

Our little boy is still very active; much moreseo than Adalynn ever was.  He even keeps me up at night sometimes.  He's hanging out quite low and is already head-down, which the doc said can contribute to my discomfort a bit.  I swear, he's also tap dancing on my bladder at all times.  I am peeing more now than I did in the beginning of the pregnancy.  But I have to admit, I find the little guy entertaining if nothing else.  At this most recent ultrasound, he looked like he was smacking his lips at me.

Still has the bad habit of sucking his thumb!

 

He has the same pouty lips as his big sis!



Planes, Trains, and Automobiles!

From October 21, 2011

It’s a boy!  I can’t believe it!  I always wanted two children (one of each) but I didn’t think it would ever actually turn out that way.  And since Adalynn was so gung-ho on a girl, I figured she would get her way.  Deep down I felt this baby was a boy, and I would accidentally refer to it as “he” from time to time, but I didn’t want to get my hopes up.  Sure enough, we’re having a son!

Better yet, despite how I’ve been feeling with all the pelvic pressure already, my cervix is still measuring just fine and there is no evidence of premature labor yet.  That took a load off my mind.  I know my doctor is great about monitoring me, and she’ll continue to make sure this pregnancy stays on course.  We have a healthy little guy.  He’s a brute weighing in at 11 ounces (normal for 19 weeks is 8.5 ounces) and he’s very active.  Everything looks perfect from spine to heart to kidneys.  He was playing innocent and sucking on his thumb when we saw him, but I know better.  I can feel the parties he has going on in there every day. 

Of course this news brings on a different worry…….. premature boys don’t always fare as well as premature girls.  Will our little guy be okay?  Can he be a fighter just like his big sis if need be?  Hopefully it doesn’t come to that.

Speaking of big sis, she really surprised me and Eddie.  All along she has flat out insisted that we give her a “pink sister” and the fact that it could be a boy was not a possibility that ever entered her mind.  But for whatever reason she told me on the morning of the ultrasound that the baby was a boy.  She didn’t sound happy about it, just matter-of-fact.  I figured it as a fluke and didn’t think much of it.  But later on before our appointment, Eddie asked her if she thought the baby was a boy or a girl, and she told him it’s a boy.  He asked if she would be okay with that, and she said “ya”.  So when the ultrasound tech gave us the news, Adalynn acted as if “Duh – I already told you it was a boy.”  Then she proceeded to act up and want the attention on herself.  It’s starting already!

Little Guy's Profile

Awwww....sucking his thumb!



Proof that he's a boy!



He's so embarrassed now!



FAQ's

When is the baby due?  The technical due date is March 14^th.  But next year is a leap year and we have a history of odd things happening to us, so there’s a good chance the baby could be born on February 29^th.  Or if this child “pulls an Adalynn”, it will be here around Christmas.  Keep your fingers crossed that doesn’t happen because I have enough stress around the holidays!  So basically, the possibilities are endless are for Baby Thomas’ arrival.

Do you have names picked out?  I do, yes.  Eddie, however, does not.  And he can’t agree with anything I select or offer any suggestions of his own so we’re currently at a standstill.  We’ll revisit names once we actually know the sex of the baby. 

What does Adalynn think?  Initially I don’t think she “got it” and she insisted that she had a baby in her tummy too.  But as time goes on and my belly gets bigger, she gets more invested.  She keeps telling us to give her a “pink sister” or a “pink baby”, and she doesn’t understand that we don’t have control over such things.  Adalynn has already informed me that she will be changing diapers and feeding the baby.  So maybe we’ll luck out and have a little helper.

How are you feeling?  Tired, nauseas, and sore.  This pregnancy has been more brutal than it was with Adalynn, which I didn’t think was possible.

What is the baby’s heart rate?  It started off in the 170s and has gone down as low as 154.  It’s natural for the heart rate to lower as the pregnancy progresses, and the general rule of thumb is that girl’s heart rates are higher than boy’s.  However, Adalynn was always in the 130-140 range so I guess that doesn’t always apply.

Is this pregnancy different?  Yes, it’s actually been worse!  But on a positive note, I felt the baby move quicker this time around.  I didn’t feel Adalynn until 20 weeks, and this one would flutter from time to time around 16-17 weeks and then at 18 weeks really started moving and shaking.  I feel like it’s throwing a party in my tummy!  It’s quite amusing.  I can’t wait for Eddie and Adalynn to be able to feel what I’m feeling.

Update: 1.5 Trimesters Down!

From October 20, 2011

Time flies too quickly.  So much has happened since I last journal’ed about this little one.  Thankfully, baby was still with us when we checked in July and has been hanging in there strong ever since.  Mom, on the other hand, isn’t so strong.  I’ve been a nervous wreck, experiencing pelvic pressure and pain already for the last three weeks.  That started to happen about four weeks prior to Adalynn’s arrival so I can’t help but associate it with premature birth.  I’m keeping my fingers crossed that everything is still okay, and I won’t go into labor too early with this one.  This pregnancy has been pretty hectic, being considered “high risk” and all.  I’ve been to the doctor every two weeks instead of the standard four.  I’ve been to Iowa City twice for the specialist’s opinion, and they put me on progesterone to help sustain this pregnancy.  I’ve had more ultrasounds in the first two months of this pregnancy than I had with all of my pregnancy with Adalynn.  So far, baby #2 is content where it’s at, and I hope it continues to stay that way.  I know the baby is fine; it’s me I’m worried about.  If something happens, it’s because my body is not good at carrying babies, and it will be my fault.  But aside from all of the worry, things are progressing.  Eddie and I have done some remodeling to the house and have moved downstairs to make room for the baby upstairs in our old room.  We still haven’t figured out storage and closet space yet, but that will come.  Adalynn likes the idea of being a big sister now and while she still requests we give her a “pink sister”, she actually said this morning that she thinks it’s a boy.  That really surprised me because I thought she wouldn’t consider a boy as an option!  Today should be the big day where we find out if our little bouncer in there is a boy or a girl.  Since this baby loves to flip around so much, it’s a possibility it won’t sit still long enough for us to get a good look.  Our ultrasound is tonight so Adalynn will get to join us to see the baby, so that will be fun.  My only fear is that if not tonight then sometime soon my OB will decide to put me on bed rest.  With everything we have to do and a toddler to take care of and a busy work schedule, I can’t see bed rest as being a reasonable option for me.  It’s so unsettling to think I have to sit around and do nothing while Eddie takes care of EVERYTHING.  I worry that he will resent me for all this extra work he’s already had to do up to this point and will have to do as the pregnancy progresses.  Basically, I worry about everything these days! 

Anyway, I was re-reading my initial thoughts when I first found out I was pregnant and have to chuckle.  So far, aside from more appointments, this pregnancy hasn’t been as different as we had hoped.  Because of the miscarry scare early on, a few people found out early about the pregnancy, which isn’t what we wanted.  And unfortunately, I have been even more sick with this child than I was with Adalynn.  I’m at week 19 and while I’m no longer throwing up daily, I’m still vomiting once or twice a week even with the anti-nausea medicine.  I’m even more tired this time than I was with Adalynn as well.  Of course, that could just be because Adalynn now exists and she keeps me on my toes!  Anyway, nothing about this pregnancy so far has been “normal” like I had hoped, but I guess I should have expected the craziness.  The fun part now is watching Adalynn’s enthusiasm grow.  She will sing to my belly, and the baby loves it.  I feel the flutters every time.

Filling Eddie in on the News & Scary Days

From July 8, 2011

When I got pregnant with Adalynn, I broke the news to Eddie by giving him a baby bib with “I love Daddy” written on it.  I wanted to do something similar this time around but was having a hard time finding anything that had “Daddy” on it that wasn’t too gender-specific.  Of course, I didn’t have all the time in the world to shop for the perfect item because I was on a time crunch and had Adalynn with me so in order for her to be patient at the store, we need to keep moving through the aisles at a steady pace.  I did finally find a white onesie with a monkey on it that read “Introducing ME!”  It was adorable.  So last night after I put Adalynn to bed, I sat on the couch with the onesie over my belly and waited for Eddie to walk into the living room.  At first he stopped and stared and then it dawned on him what I was trying to say.  Thankfully, he’s a happy guy.

From July 22, 2011
I have no idea right now if the baby is still with us or not.  It’s been a scary week.  I didn’t bleed during the first pregnancy so it was quite the shock to find a lot of bright red blood in my underwear a couple of days ago.  Based on the initial responses from the on-call doc and ER, it sounded as if I was miscarrying.  Now my OB is providing a glimmer of hope and offering an ultrasound today to see if there is something different going on.  As scared as I was when I found out I was pregnant, I’m even more scared thinking I am going to lose (or have already lost) this baby. 

Letting the News Sink In....

July 7, 2011 - the day I found out I was pregnant with baby #2.  Here are a few excerpts from my mommy journal that day:

 It’s amazing how the same occurrence can result in two completely different reactions.  I remember the first time I saw two lines on the little stick, I cried tears of happiness, jumped up and down overjoyed, and was shaking with excitement.  Today when I saw two lines on the little stick, I stared dumbfounded, silent, and completely still...................
Please don’t misunderstand.  It’s not that I didn’t want another baby.  Eddie and I have always wanted two children, but after what happened with Adalynn, we were a bit leery of going through another pregnancy and delivery.........................

I know my reaction wasn’t the same with this baby as it was with Adalynn; but I would prefer it if everything in this pregnancy/delivery/newborn phase is different than it was with Adalynn so I guess we’re off on the right foot with my hesitant immediate reaction.  As for everything that I would like to be different this time:  I would love it if I wasn’t completely ill and puking for the first 18 weeks; I’d like to hold off announcing the news until I’m further along instead of right away; I want to find out the sex of the baby this time; I am hoping for a full-term pregnancy and maybe even child birth classes since I missed them before; of course I’d much rather be at the hospital while giving birth instead of at home; I’d like to get the newborn pics taken at the hospital like “normal” families; I'd rather not have another baby in the NICU; it would be awesome of baby #2 wasn’t confused about nights and days, was a snuggler, and less cranky than sis.   I wonder if this all is too much to ask?