A Mom's Heart to Heart

"There's nothing little about a mom's impact"..... says the magnet I got in the mail from MOPS the other day.  The timing of the simple gift was perfect as I really needed a word of encouragement that day.  It got me thinking that I probably am not the only stressed-out mama, and I'm sure there are others that have a bad day every now and then and could use some encouragement as well.  With Thanksgiving around the corner (it's next week already!), it's a time to not only reflect on the things we are thankful for but also to give to others in whatever way you can.  So the gift I'm offering to you, my fellow moms, is a simple word of encouragement.  YOU are fabulous, and don't let anyone make you feel otherwise.

I'm guessing we've all been there - done the judging game.  We've looked at other moms and thought things like "Doesn't she know it's freezing outside - what is her kid doing in a T-shirt?" or "Wipe your child's nose already!"  I had a bad habit of doing this especially before I became a parent (not to say I don't mess up and assume things from time to time now).  But after becoming a mother, reality has set in and I realize that what may appear to be negligence may really instead be one poor mom up to her ears in dirty laundry and is waiting for her child's clothes to finish drying to provide him with a long-sleeved shirt.  The other mom may have already wiped her kid's nose 30 times this morning and has simply run out of kleenex.  The point is, we shouldn't assume someone is a bad mother just because one thing may not be up to par at the moment.  Let's cut each other some slack! 

We also judge on the flip side and look longingly at other moms who seem to have it all together and assume things like "Sue wouldn't have lost patience with her daughter like the way I just did" or "Why can't I find the time to haul my kids to four different events and bake six dozen cookies for the bake sale all in one day like Tammy did last week?"  This is the area I really struggle with the most - comparison judging.  It's a constant uphill battle for me to try to be the perfect mom, and I find so many of my friends and family members (YOU) to be such great mothers that I can't help but want to mirror myself after them in some way.  I do realize deep down that the "Sue's" and "Tammy's" of this world are also human and have struggles from time to time as well, but it's so easy to fall into the habit of beating myself up for not being like them. 

Every time I start to think I'm making progress in feeling more confident as a mom, something happens to make me think otherwise.  For example, I found out recently that most yogurt is bad for you.  Seriously!  So here I am with a picky child who won't eat much of anything, but I pride myself on the fact that she at least will eat yogurt and some fruits and veggies..... only to discover that yogurt is a no-no and fruits and veggies aren't really that great unless they're organic.  So I'm back to beating myself up again for not giving my little girl proper foods for her health - and I can't start because organic foods and my wallet do not jive.  Then there's the ever-popular breast milk versus formula debate.  Of course breast milk is better for your baby and no one is denying that, but it's not like you're killing your child by giving him formula.  Yet every time I feed Wesley his bottle in public, I get an evil eye from someone who is giving me the impression that I'm a bad mom and may as well be giving my baby soda.  And then there's the issue of not having Adalynn involved in any extracurricular activities yet.  The money isn't there at the moment for her to join a dance, tumbling, or swim class but I feel guilty all the time for not having her more involved in something; and she's the only preschooler I know who doesn't have an extracurricular activity of some sort.  I beat myself up over this one daily.  And the truth is, the list could go on and on of all the things I feel I'm failing at as a mom.  Can you relate?  But then I look at the magnet....... "There's nothing little about a mom's impact"..... and then I look at my children who are happy and healthy and (for the most part!) well-behaved, and I realize that I must be doing something right.

Now that I'm working in the childcare ministry at the church, I've heard it said more than once that these little ones are God's children.  God has given them to us while we're on this earth, but they actually belong to Him.  I never really thought of it that way before.  Think about it.... if God thinks that you are capable enough to raise His child, then who am I (or anyone else) to judge?  I understand that unfortunately there are moms who really are negligent or abusive, but my thought process here goes for those of us who are actually trying our best and putting some effort into mothering.  Cut yourself (and fellow mamas) some slack, quit comparing yourself to the super moms of the world, and continue to cuddle and care for that little one God entrusted to you.  I hope you realize that you are a great mom and you've made an impact.

Now if you'll excuse me, I am off to feed my daughter a lunch consisting of non-organic peanut butter on wheat bread that wasn't purchased at the farmer's market along with a non-organic apple and yogurt.  Don't judge.

And for those of you who didn't need encouragement and just wanted pictures, here is a look back at our fall..................

At the apple orchard

At the park

 

A stop along the Spoon River Drive

Helping rake leaves

At the pumpkin patch

 

Fairy and Dragon trick-or-treating at the mall

Field trip to the Indian Museum