Missing My Girl

My precious Adalynn Hope was born at 30 weeks and 3 days.  Today was technically the 30 week and 3 day mark for "Mac", but Peoria has decided to change that on me.  So I suppose the new 30 week and 3 day goal is officially tomorrow now.  Nevertheless come Sunday, we'll be in "unchartered territory" as Eddie refers to it.  I have faith we can get there.  Back before this bed-rest nonsense I had planned in my mind to have an at-home black-and-white photo shoot of Adalynn with her little brother once we surpassed the 30 week and 3 day mark.  I love it when she hugs and kisses my tummy so I really wanted to capture that on camera.  It won't be as cute with 80s hospital vibe in the background so I guess that's out now. 

But I will see her again on Sunday, assuming things continue to go smoothly.  Gosh, I miss her so much.  It's crazy because at the beginning of her young life, she was away from us at this hospital, and now I'm away from her at the same place.  It's a killer either way, let me tell you.  The one thing that had helped me hold it together was the assumption that Adalynn wouldn't really care about this unfortunate situation due to her nonchalant attitude about things and the fact that she's not really an emotional creature.  But I'm finding that my little girl does have an emotional side and she truly does care.  Eddie says that she gets upset over things that don't make sense to her - like why Mommy's car is in the garage when I'm not home.  She got frustrated over the fact that my toothbrush was not in its spot so Eddie had to put a different one there to pacify her.  My mother-in-law gave me a recordable book that I read and recorded for Adalynn last weekend here that she now "reads" every night before bed (brilliant idea, BTW, I never would have thought of it).  Eddie says that Addy loves it and will run her fingers over the speaker when she hears my voice and will say "I love you too, Mommy" when I'm done reading.  She told Eddie that she misses me "so much".   These are all things that break my heart, even if they are good to hear.  It's nice to know that she does miss me as much as I miss her, but it sure was easier to handle when I thought she was in oblivious bliss. 

Several people have told me that Adalynn won't remember this when she gets older; she's too young and her memory won't reach this far back.  I hope that's true, although I'll always feel the sting.  I just keep hoping and praying that me being here actually works - not only for "Mac's" sake, but for Adalynn's.  I don't want to feel as if I wasted time away from home sitting stagnant in a hospital bed only to still end up with a premature little boy in the NICU and a confused little girl at home wondering what happened to her happy and stable home life.   Another hard part about this is that Adalynn is in the best stage right now; not that she's perfect but the last few months really have been awesome with her.  I hate that I'm missing such a fun stage with her.  But I suppose on the other hand, it's best that she's in this cooperative part of her life while only Daddy, Nana, and Papa have to deal with her.  It should make things a bit easier for them. 

Well, I get to see my wonderful hubby tonight so it's a day worthy of make-up.  I'll get to that after lunch.  And just a couple more days until I get to see my baby girl.